In our May newsletter we mentioned the Willard F.
Harley book called His Needs Her Needs, which aims
to put “sizzle” in marriage and to prevent the disaster of
divorce. (More than 1,000,000 copies of his book have
been sold.) As a therapist Harley gradually discovered what
made marriages work instead of focusing on what made
them fail. His book gives specific ideas to help couples
“be in love again” after finding each other irritating or
even “repulsive.” he shows tired couples “how to
fall in love and stay in love with each other.”
Dr. Harley writes, “Marital conflict is created one of two ways:
(1) Couples fail to make each other happy, or (2) couples make each other
unhappy. In the first case, couples are frustrated because their needs are not
being met. In the second case, they’re deliberately hurting each other. I call
the first cause of conflict failure to care [failure to meet each other’s most
important emotional needs] and the second, failure to protect [failure to stop
unmet needs from generating thoughtless and inconsiderate actions, often
unintentionally].”
Are you trapped in one of these two dilemmas? Wouldn’t you want to find
out how Harley can encourage you to resolve these? Even if your marriage looks
hopeless, it can be restored again!